if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
