no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
