A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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