let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
