Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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