I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
