I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
