I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
