did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
