what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
