I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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