i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
