Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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