We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
