I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
