I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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