can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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