In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
