Where did you get a picture of my penis
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
