You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
