He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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