I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
