Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
