Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
