You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
