yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
