I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
