he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
