dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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