Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
