playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
