tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
