he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
