i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
