you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I stole a fireplace last night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
