yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
