i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
