You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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