if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
