Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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