It's like God shit irony all over that family
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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