Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was