Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
