There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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