so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
