and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize