i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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