Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
