dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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