Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
