.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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