the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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