hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
His hands were made for my vagina.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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