I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
now i know why i became what i already was.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
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I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
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I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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