This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
