This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
