did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
