I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
