if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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