Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
