you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
