Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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