I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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