I just found a bag of teeth...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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