He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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