I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
