dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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