She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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