dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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