you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
