There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
