Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
