if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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