her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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