Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
